Saturday, November 27, 2010

Listen to the Music Play

Dear John,
I have been keeping a secret from you for the past eight months and I don’t know how I may say this in a way where you heart wouldn’t fall and break into pieces. John I love you and you know that and I would never mean to hurt you in any way and I thought everything was going to be okay but I was wrong. You are the love of my life and you still are in so many ways I can’t even write them because when I think of them I would have to run and run to where you are and I can’t. I don’t want to lie anymore and I don’t want you to live a life where you can’t accept. I have been gone for the past eight months and that you know; I am not in Singapore anymore and I am very sorry but you must live a life where you don’t need to do anymore waiting. I won’t be coming back to Chicago anytime soon. I love you! So much! I am in a town where nothing but hell is observed. This letter is being read by the head of the town and certain information isn’t allowed to be told but I am allowed to tell you that I won’t be leaving this town for a very long time. I don’t know what I have done and I don’t know how to save myself but I want you to save yourself. Travel to the most beautiful cities in the world, dance to the most amazing music, and eat the most fabulous food the world can offer. My time has gone by so fast I didn’t have time to see it. Even though you’re going to find yourself in hell and find yourself confused but please do this for me. I will meet you somewhere sometime and to my love of my life I want nothing but to see smiles come toward me when I go near the most beautiful man on earth. This is the end of a beginning and I can’t say this enough John, but I love you.
I can’t put my pen down for some reason. I want to keep writing as I feel I am closer to you as possible right now. You changed my life, you are the first man who ever told me how beautiful I was, the first man who asked for my hand in marriage, the first man who taught me how to bake a real cheese cake, and the first man who would lie in bed with me for a whole weekend. I had it all and you gave it to me and I thank you so much. I have to go John. I will see you soon.
With love,

Monday, November 15, 2010

The Boy Who Played With the Devil

Many years together that a connection has grown over the people it watched. I have watched him grow and I have watched him try to love what was around him and what was in front of him. The years I watched him hate the small and the big but the connection between the two held him up high and I would love nothing but the in he held locked up and at times when the storm he created held us apart was brought to daylight; he would love back. Seconds, minutes, days, weeks, months, years would be a race around the track for the next. I watched while tears fell down his cheeks, while it hit the floor and crashed into the wooden floor. When I wasn’t afraid I laid right next to him while his body would freeze in confusion and thoughts. I wanted to understand. I wanted to know who he was, what he wanted and what happiness meant. A life so simple became so difficult and the word why flew as if it was the bird that sang to you every morning. A day filled with bright skies turned into a dark tent. A night filled with stars was nothing but another night. Dark was dark and dark meant alone and alone meant thoughts and thoughts turned into questions and those questions never had answers. At the age of seventeen he had seen the devil and they played hell and when he turned nineteen I watched him lay in bed watching time pass by as if it was a missed train. He looked back at me when I realized I was just the ghost, the ghost of the boy I tried helping and without warning another question ran through the two minds, what will it be, my heart or will it be his?

Sunday, November 7, 2010

The End of A Lot

Three years later and the clock still routed in circles helping time pass by
I watched the sun rise up high looking upon its people
I watched leafs fall on to the ground as if they were being kicked out of their own homes
I watched white noise fly through the air till it turned into its own kingdom
I have watched seeds turn into lovers and became appealing to even those who don’t desire
Life is a circle and I am in the middle till the end
I will watch and sometime I will hide
But sometimes missing a moment so small could mean missing a lot
I used to be scared and I hated the feeling but fear is what helps me stand up
Even though I want the clock to stop at times I have learned it’s just for the best