Monday, September 13, 2010

Light to Night

90 was the year it all started. It was the year I first opened my eyes and it was the year I first heard the yelling. 90 started as a memo. A memo I didn’t want to take with me but was forced with no words. I took it and it hid. No one could have seen the fear or the confusion. I walked that straight line when life kept pushing me. I kept fighting back and I felt a feel. I knew I was getting stronger. The melody was dancing around my fulmar. The word memorable was being used in my circle and I understood. Life was playing with me and not gaining upon me. Thoughts never hated me and the sun always said hi.

Twenty years later…it was a role just to find myself here, right here. I don’t know anymore. I used to run to the “It” and now I’m lost. I don’t know what I want. I used to know how to put a smile on and play along but I find the closer I get to the end the harder it is to smile. My fulmar stopped dancing and flew to its freedom giving me time to face what I’ve done and do my time. I find it hard for me to let someone in. I find it so much easier to hate then to love. I thought I wanted to grow and learn. It all turned around and now I can’t give an answer. I can’t answer myself, I can’t tell myself why I should still be here, right here. An ovation is needed by the realm because I love you but not enough to cry.

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